This is me now

 

A lot has changed in the last 3 years; and even more recently in the last six months.  For over 4 decades, I ran a small business from my home office.  Long story short, retirement 3 years ago.  Days got a lot less busy. Love it. But it was a 'learning curve' getting out of that regiment, you know??   The office had to be dismantled, packed up, etc. 

The following February 15th, we moved into the smaller 100+ year-old house on the property.  I'm still tweaking things here and there making the 1,000 sq ft house our home.  And it IS getting there.  Still planning to paint the exterior, and a couple of the inside rooms.  But it feels like home, not only to us but family and guests alike agree. 

Then February 2nd of this year, life had other plans for me.  While in Texas, excruciating back pain hit.  I made it home the next morning, and went straight to urgent care, then later that night to the ER.  I was denial it could be another dreaded blood clot, but that's exactly what it was.  The CT scan revealed it all.   It also revealed a 'growth' on the right portion of my thyroid.  (more about that later)

During my recouperation however, I got even more ill as the days and weeks went by.  I was sent to a hematologist who decided I needed a bone marrow biopsy.  That hurt worse than childbirth in my opinion.   

After about a month of no improvement whatsoever, I got to a point I started coughing and couldn't stop for over two hours-- Severe coughing which produced something very green that tasted disgusting. Another trip to the ER revealed severe pneumonia.  I was transported from my small town hospital to the one in the big city by ambulance and admitted.  

Well, that was one whirlwind of a week!  More scans revealed a more complicated pneumonia with a lung abscess and sepsis infection.  I was in a bad way.  IV antibiotics (2 meds); a drain tube inserted into my lung; breathing treatments; oxygen.  The whole 9 yards.  But after a week, I had shown improvement and was released to go home.  This was four days before Easter Sunday.   I missed Easter Mass, but hadn't been able to attend Mass for the past 2 previous months. I went home on oral antibiotics for 2 months and a couple of other meds I don't even remember. 

The follow up and specialist visits are too numerous to remember the number.  But as time went by, the healing began.  I had realized when I was in the hospital and more as time went by that I had been at death's door at the time of that coughing attack.  

I was so grateful to be healing and improving.  Every day I had prayed God's will be done, but hoping that His will was that I lived.   I couldn't pray that if it was my time, let it be.  I actually refused to do that. I prayed for healing.  But that week in the hospital also taught me how it feels to be at your lowest point.  A point not quite so sure you were going to get out of it.  

I had a severe anxiety attack while in the hospital.  It was THE MOST HELPLESS I have ever felt in my entire life.  It scared me almost as much as being sick.  But I told a nurse and we dealt with it.  The medicine made me sleep a couple of hours and I woke up a different person.  

One of the specialists I had to see was an ENT.  In May I had a biopsy of that 'thyroid growth'.  The results were inconclusive as to cancer, but because of its size, it had to come out.  So 2 weeks ago, I went in for a partial thyroidectomy (right side).  I'm STILL waiting on the pathology report.  If it reveals cancer, I have to have the remaining left side removed.  So I wait.  

But I guess the whole point of wanting to write this post today is to say I'm ok with whatever comes!  Let God's will be done in all things.  I started a longer prayer regiment in early June, but not necessarily for myself and my needs.  I'm praying for my husband, my children (their spouses), my grandchildren, my siblings, my extended family, my friends, my benefactors throughout my life journey.  I'm praying for the world, all those suffering.  I'm praying for the conversion of sinners, the poor suffering souls in Purgatory.  I'm praying for a happy death, complete contrition and remission of all my sins. I'm praying to see God in heaven after this veil of tears.  

I'm praying......Like never before.  Oh I prayed before, maybe 20 minutes a day.  But the picture at the beginning is what my desk looks like now.   My prayer life now is a solid hour or more.  But you know what?  I can't wait to pray!  Every day I look forward to that time with God.  It's as though I NEED it.  The world needs it.   My loved ones need it. 

I feel I'm in a better place today because of it.  And maybe along the way, I'm helping someone else benefit too.  I don't write all this to be applauded, or 'well, look at her'.  I guess I'm just saying that I'm better off because of it.  Prayer has become a 'necessity', like food, water and sleep!  

I told my daughter I feel hideous with this incision being so obvious.  But she said, "it's who you are now.  It's part of your healing journey."  And you know what?  She's absolutely right!  

If you feel something has been missing in your own life, just try adding more prayer.  Little increments at a time-it can be so beneficial to you.  I hope this post helps anyone in need of encouragement.  Pray for my pathology report to be ok, please and thank you!

I wish you peace and encouragement in your life!  Pax tecum. 

kellie

Happy New Year!

 

Greetings family and friends on this second day of 2024.  I wish you every great gift from God, prosperity, peace and joy in the new year. 

Yesterday I picked my 'word' for 2024.  In the past it has been hope, joy, gratitude and the like.  But this year I picked FAITH.   Last year was a difficult and emotional year.  My daughter is still fighting a battle that started out as an infection and she's experienced complications.  Testing is still ongoing to try and resolve everything.  

My conviction for the word 'faith' was confirmed to me this morning in a quick walk through of Goodwill.  Two signs, setting right next to each other called me to take a closer look.  No, I didn't buy either one of them -- frankly I walked out of the store empty handed (that rarely happens!).  But I saw the signs. 😀 (literally)  To me, it just said, 'you were meant to see these to confirm you made a good choice'.  It was enough for me as I walked out of the store with a smile. 

I know you might think that sounds silly.  And it might be.  But I believe in the little subtleties of grace in the everyday.  There are moments we are not even expecting something, but you know when you see it just around the corner, it was just for you.  Even though I didn't buy the wooden plaques, they were there for me.  I left them there for someone else who might very well need to see them, just as I did.  

And I'm also learning (albeit slowly) that I don't need to 'own' something to appreciate its beauty or purpose.  Just knowing something is there is enough.  I don't own all the lovely, feathered friends that come and feast in my yard, but I can enjoy them! 

Back to the 'word' though.  My faith is without a doubt my most prized possession in life.  I am                                                       unapologetically a woman of faith!   

And my 2024 word will be a constant reminder to have faith, keep the faith, do not lose faith and share the faith with as many people as I can!  Faith:  what is it?  It is a noun which means to have complete confidence in someone or something.  The key word is COMPLETE!  It's similar to trust or hope, but it's also a creed by which we live our lives.  And did you realize we will no longer need faith, hope or trust in Heaven?  Faith, hope and trust means believing in something you can't see.  But in the next life, we will see all that we have so faithfully trusted and hoped in here on earth.  That is sometimes our only consolation here below.  My faith tells me God wins.  Always!  

Thanks for stopping by Terra Dulcis, friend.  God bless you today and throughout the new year. 

Faithfully yours, 

kellie

 

Beauty

 

I love beauty.  But beauty is a relative thing, isn't it.  (picture credit: Manny Marquez)

* I love the beauty of the altar set up for Mass; the candles glowing and the solemn recitation of the rosary with the quiet voices in unison, "Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour or our death. amen.".  That is beautiful.  

* I love the beauty of a song.  It can be secular or a hymn.  If it touches us, if it stirs something within the heart - that is beautiful. 

* I love the absolute beauty of a child's innocent face.  Their eyes, the windows of their untainted soul untouched by sin or corruption, shine a light that can only come from the Creator.  That is beautiful.  

* I love the beauty of our humble home.  It's not big or fancy or new..........or stylish!  But it is where we spend our hours and days together in unity. It is comfortable and warm, and inviting to others.  That is beautiful. 

* I love the beauty of a flag gently flying in the breeze.  That flag is more than thread and fabric, more than the colors of my homeland.  It is the blood and life of every single American who took up the call to keep our country free.  That is beautiful. 

* I love the beauty of friendships.  They love and accept us through thick and thin.  We can laugh and cry and tell our secrets that they will keep.  That is beautiful.  

* I love the night sky.  It's a constant we know we can count on to be there night after night.  There is a peace and calm in the quiet darkness.  That is beautiful. 

* I love the sunsets.  Each and every one is unique and different, but a reminder that He is there, painting the sky with the colors of dusk- reminding us that He will watch over us through the night. That is beautiful. 

Many other things are beautiful, you just have to look around to see them.  I wish you much beauty in this day and in your life forever!  Just don't forget to look.  

Pax tecum.  Kellie 

Nothing is permanent

 

A pile of rubble.  That's all that is left.  This isn't the house, but you get the idea.  The house is about a mile from me.  I knew the elderly lady who used to live there.  In fact, I cared for her in her last months of life.  I was one of her home health care workers.  

Miss Bonnie had a beautiful home.  She was so proud of it and rightly so.  She and her husband designed and built that beautiful home they'd shared until his passing.  Then she was left alone in it with her memories.  Alone except for her cat, her caregivers, and the weekend family that sometimes visited from out of town.  

The couple had no children.  She had been an avid gardener and had led some very prestigious garden clubs in her day.  The yard was big, and the trees were huge and mature.  She kept them, like her home, beautifully maintained and manicured.   She was a very proper lady, Miss Bonnie.  You know she came from an era when morals and ettiquette were of the utmost importance.  I wish it were still so. 

It's kind of funny actually, every time I visit my parents' graves, I also pass Miss Bonnie's final resting place.  I stop by and say a quick hello.  May she rest in peace eternal.  

I'd heard a distant relative had moved in after Miss Bonnie died.  Very quickly, the state of the home began to deteriorate.  The trees and yard no longer were kept pristine.  I could only imagine the inside.  It's been six months or so since the fire.  The house stood in the space, a sad reminder of what I knew used to be.  

Today, I passed and glanced over, realizing something was different.  The house was demolished, currently nothing but a pile of debris.  It was sad seeing it that way.  But it was sad seeing it decline over the years as well.  

But the truth is, nothing is permanent......... except eternity.  It's humbling actually to be reminded of that regularly.  A house is just a house.  Even a most beloved home of a beloved couple who built it from the ground up, lived and loved there for many happy years. 

They're both gone - and now so is that dwelling.  It's now a pile of rubble.  This isn't meant to be a sad recollection of days gone by.  About a woman I knew who lived in a house where I used to work. 

It's a reminder -- to myself-- that life changes, in the biggest way possible and what is here today will someday be gone.  Even us.  And when we're gone, some will be sad, and recall us with fond memories and stories (hopefully!).  But only for a while.  We have to keep our eyes on the prize!  Don't lose sight of that.  God bless you today and always. 

Kellie

Choose to be happy

 

Here are a few of the things I have learned over the last 15 months. In that period of time we retired from a very long standing business of over 42 years. About six months later we downsized to a two-bedroom home so that family could move in from out of state. We moved from a home we had been in for almost 30 years. 

They say that changing jobs, or moving are two of the most stressful events a person can experience. And they both brought different feelings. I was more than ready to retire---and had been for a few years before it actually happened.   

To be honest the first 6 months after the move, I was miserable. I missed home, even though it was right next door. 

But gradually this little old hundred plus year old house began to feel like it was exactly where I was supposed to be.  

What changed?  I think I did. My thinking about the bigger picture changed.  People would come in and comment how cozy and welcoming it felt here.  That felt right.  

But it's not all that.  Yes, we put our things here and we put our touch on every room.  It is a place we love to have our friends and family over.  

One day I realized every member of our family has lived in this house at one time or another. Even my mother-in-law and father-in-law at one time when we first got the house. I used to comment that I thought I would end up here, half joking!

Anyway life's not about where you live but where you're going when it's all over. Life is short and a lot of times we worry and fret about a lot of unimportant things. Because when it all comes down to it it's how have we lived our life, how have we loved, how have we given of ourself.

So for whatever time there is left I choose to be happy. I choose to help when I can, pray for all those who asked me for prayer, mind my own business and be happy.

If you drive by and see me sitting on the porch, give me a honk or a wave. Take care, and be happy. Till next time, Kellie. 

That day, though........

Dreaming of the clear blue skies of Texas that March morning two years ago.  It's too cold and dreary for these old bones here in my neck of the woods today.  I've spent a good part of it just feeding and watching the birds in the yard.  I've seen a ton of cardinals and bluejays; my resident woodpecker (Woody), and a multitude of others.  

Stay warm, eat yummy comfort food, pray a lot.  It's almost ground hog's day! 😉

Pax Domini, kellie

Keep it simple

 

I went to Goodwill this morning as I often do when I'm in town. I found this sweet teacup and saucer set. I have a few other sets which I originally bought to have tea with my granddaughters when they were in town.  We would make sure and have tea, finger sandwiches and cookies one afternoon during their visit. 

When I saw this pretty little set --it automatically reminded me of my own grandma as well. She always drank coffee out of a pretty cup with a saucer. In fact she would pour her hot coffee into the saucer and sip from it. She was such a lady. That cup brought back a flood of memories.

I have one granddaughter that now lives near me. And four grandsons. The kids often come next door for hot cocoa when the weather turns cool. I always let her drink out of a pretty teacup for her hot 'toto'.  

Then it occurred to me what was in plain sight. For Christmas I'm going to gift her one of my  pretty teacups.  I asked her mama if that was weird, but she replied sweetly "add some tea bags and a small muffin mix and you're good".  

Maybe someday when this granddaughter is all grown up, sitting at her own kitchen table sipping a cup of tea [or toto], she'll still have that cup and she'll remember me. 

Blessings this day, the Feast of St Lucy. 

Until next time, Kellie. ☕☕☕❤❤❤