A lot has changed in the last 3 years; and even more recently in the last six months. For over 4 decades, I ran a small business from my home office. Long story short, retirement 3 years ago. Days got a lot less busy. Love it. But it was a 'learning curve' getting out of that regiment, you know?? The office had to be dismantled, packed up, etc.
The following February 15th, we moved into the smaller 100+ year-old house on the property. I'm still tweaking things here and there making the 1,000 sq ft house our home. And it IS getting there. Still planning to paint the exterior, and a couple of the inside rooms. But it feels like home, not only to us but family and guests alike agree.
Then February 2nd of this year, life had other plans for me. While in Texas, excruciating back pain hit. I made it home the next morning, and went straight to urgent care, then later that night to the ER. I was denial it could be another dreaded blood clot, but that's exactly what it was. The CT scan revealed it all. It also revealed a 'growth' on the right portion of my thyroid. (more about that later)
During my recouperation however, I got even more ill as the days and weeks went by. I was sent to a hematologist who decided I needed a bone marrow biopsy. That hurt worse than childbirth in my opinion.
After about a month of no improvement whatsoever, I got to a point I started coughing and couldn't stop for over two hours-- Severe coughing which produced something very green that tasted disgusting. Another trip to the ER revealed severe pneumonia. I was transported from my small town hospital to the one in the big city by ambulance and admitted.
Well, that was one whirlwind of a week! More scans revealed a more complicated pneumonia with a lung abscess and sepsis infection. I was in a bad way. IV antibiotics (2 meds); a drain tube inserted into my lung; breathing treatments; oxygen. The whole 9 yards. But after a week, I had shown improvement and was released to go home. This was four days before Easter Sunday. I missed Easter Mass, but hadn't been able to attend Mass for the past 2 previous months. I went home on oral antibiotics for 2 months and a couple of other meds I don't even remember.
The follow up and specialist visits are too numerous to remember the number. But as time went by, the healing began. I had realized when I was in the hospital and more as time went by that I had been at death's door at the time of that coughing attack.
I was so grateful to be healing and improving. Every day I had prayed God's will be done, but hoping that His will was that I lived. I couldn't pray that if it was my time, let it be. I actually refused to do that. I prayed for healing. But that week in the hospital also taught me how it feels to be at your lowest point. A point not quite so sure you were going to get out of it.
I had a severe anxiety attack while in the hospital. It was THE MOST HELPLESS I have ever felt in my entire life. It scared me almost as much as being sick. But I told a nurse and we dealt with it. The medicine made me sleep a couple of hours and I woke up a different person.
One of the specialists I had to see was an ENT. In May I had a biopsy of that 'thyroid growth'. The results were inconclusive as to cancer, but because of its size, it had to come out. So 2 weeks ago, I went in for a partial thyroidectomy (right side). I'm STILL waiting on the pathology report. If it reveals cancer, I have to have the remaining left side removed. So I wait.
But I guess the whole point of wanting to write this post today is to say I'm ok with whatever comes! Let God's will be done in all things. I started a longer prayer regiment in early June, but not necessarily for myself and my needs. I'm praying for my husband, my children (their spouses), my grandchildren, my siblings, my extended family, my friends, my benefactors throughout my life journey. I'm praying for the world, all those suffering. I'm praying for the conversion of sinners, the poor suffering souls in Purgatory. I'm praying for a happy death, complete contrition and remission of all my sins. I'm praying to see God in heaven after this veil of tears.
I'm praying......Like never before. Oh I prayed before, maybe 20 minutes a day. But the picture at the beginning is what my desk looks like now. My prayer life now is a solid hour or more. But you know what? I can't wait to pray! Every day I look forward to that time with God. It's as though I NEED it. The world needs it. My loved ones need it.
I feel I'm in a better place today because of it. And maybe along the way, I'm helping someone else benefit too. I don't write all this to be applauded, or 'well, look at her'. I guess I'm just saying that I'm better off because of it. Prayer has become a 'necessity', like food, water and sleep!
I told my daughter I feel hideous with this incision being so obvious. But she said, "it's who you are now. It's part of your healing journey." And you know what? She's absolutely right!
If you feel something has been missing in your own life, just try adding more prayer. Little increments at a time-it can be so beneficial to you. I hope this post helps anyone in need of encouragement. Pray for my pathology report to be ok, please and thank you!
I wish you peace and encouragement in your life! Pax tecum.
kellie
.png)